A Self-Trust Check-In for Women
You're Capable. So Why Do You Keep Second-Guessing Yourself?
You've handled a lot in your life, at work, at home, and for the people who count on you. Still, when it's time to speak up, ask for what you want, or make a decision on your own, you doubt yourself.
Low confidence often shows up in small, everyday moments. Check the ones that sound like you.
In your relationships
With yourself
At work
If you checked several of these, the problem usually isn't your ability.
It's how much you trust yourself.
This check-in explains the difference between confidence and self-trust, shows how low self-trust affects different parts of your life, and helps you find the area that would make the biggest difference to improve. It takes about 15 minutes. Your answers are saved only in your browser.
Step 2
Confidence and Self-Trust Aren't the Same Thing
Many women believe they need more confidence before they can act. But confidence and self-trust are different. Knowing the difference helps explain why you may hold back even when you know you're capable.
Confidence
The belief that you can do a specific thing well. It's built from past success, skill, and other people's approval, so it rises and falls with your results.
Self-trust
The belief that you can rely on yourself: to listen to your own judgment, keep your word to yourself, and handle whatever happens, including mistakes and failure.
| Aspect | Confidence | Self-trust |
|---|---|---|
| Asks | "Can I do this well?" | "Will I be OK, whatever the outcome?" |
| Comes from | Past wins, skills, praise, credentials | Keeping promises to yourself and honoring your values and instincts |
| When things go wrong | Drops quickly and takes time to rebuild | Stays steady. You learn from it and keep going |
| Sounds like | "I've done this before. I'll do it well." | "I've never done this, and I trust myself to figure it out." |
| Lets you | Perform well in familiar situations | Try new things when you can't be sure how they'll turn out |
What the research shows
Self-Doubt Isn't About Ability
Equal grades, lower confidence
A study that followed 288 engineering students at four schools found that women earned grades as good as or better than men's, yet left engineering at higher rates. The best predictor was lower confidence in their fit and ability as engineers, not family plans or math ability.
Cech, Rubineau, Silbey & Seron, American Sociological Review, 2011
75% of executive women
In a survey of 750 high-performing executive women, three in four said they had experienced impostor syndrome during their careers. 81% said they put more pressure on themselves not to fail than men do.
KPMG Women's Leadership Summit Report, 2020
22% vs. 13%
When over 1,000 professionals were asked why they didn't apply for a job they felt underqualified for, 22% of women gave fear of trying and failing as the main reason, compared with 13% of men. The most common reason for both was assuming they wouldn't be hired without meeting every requirement.
Tara Mohr, Harvard Business Review, 2014
Self-kindness helps people improve
In four experiments at UC Berkeley, people who responded to a failure or weakness with self-compassion were more motivated to improve than people who weren't. Being hard on yourself didn't make people try harder.
Breines & Chen, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2012
Confidence comes after you act.
Self-trust is what lets you act first.
Many of us wait for proof before we act: proof that we're ready, that it will work, or that others will approve. But for a new job, a difficult conversation, a change in a relationship, or something you've always wanted to try, that proof doesn't exist yet. You get it by acting. If you wait until you feel confident, you may wait a long time.
Step 3
How Is It Affecting Your Life?
Self-doubt affects more than your work. It can affect your relationships, your health, your money, and the time you give to things you enjoy. Rate how much low confidence or self-trust has affected each area of your life, from 0 (not at all) to 10 (a great deal).
Step 4
The Self-Trust Wheel
Self-trust is made up of ten areas. Rate each from 1 (rarely true for me) to 10 (fully true for me). Click a section of the wheel, or use the slider for each area. Go with your first answer.
The 10 areas · scroll the list to see them all
Step 5
Your Self-Trust Results
Here's your wheel as a graph. A low score doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It shows where improvement would help you the most.
Then and now
Which areas would significantly improve your life if they got stronger?
Choose up to three. Your lowest-scoring areas are outlined in coral, but go with what matters most to you.
Step 6 · Your focus area
Your Focus Area
Go back to Step 5 and choose the areas that would make the biggest difference in your life to see this page.
How it may show up
What would be different
Things to try on your own
Your 7-day challenge
Notice this week
You don't need to change anything yet. Noticing when and where this comes up is the first step.
Step 7
Your Self-Trust Snapshot
Here's a summary of your answers.
In your words
Two last questions
How important is it to you to trust yourself more?
How willing are you to put in the work to make this happen?
Why it's hard to trust yourself
Want More Confidence? Build Your Self-Trust
If you want to feel more confident, start by building your self-trust. Confidence grows when you know you can rely on yourself.
Knowing what you need to do is different from believing you can do it and actually doing it. Most of us already know we should speak up, set a boundary, or stop second-guessing ourselves. The hard part is following through, because something gets in the way.
What gets in the way
Most of us didn't lose trust in ourselves all at once. It wore down over time, through things like these.
- Fears
- Fear of failing, being judged, disappointing people, or making the wrong choice. Holding back can feel safer than taking the risk.
- Beliefs
- Rules you picked up early in life, like "Don't make a fuss" or "Other people know better," that still shape what you think you're allowed to do.
- Assumptions
- Deciding how something will turn out before you try, like "They'll say no" or "I'll look foolish," and acting as if it's already true.
- Stories you tell yourself
- Conclusions you drew from past experiences, like "I'm not good at this" or "I always get it wrong," that follow you into new situations.
- Self-judgment
- Criticism you collected over the years from parents, teachers, bosses and yourself, which turns into an inner voice that questions every move.
None of this means something is wrong with you. These are things you learned, often to protect yourself. What you learned can change.
What it takes to start building self-trust
Building self-trust starts with getting clear on what is getting in the way for you, and then working through it. If the fear, belief or story underneath stays the same, it's easy to keep falling back into the same patterns, no matter how much you want to change.
- Get clear on what's in the way. Name the specific fears, beliefs, assumptions and stories that hold you back, and notice when they show up.
- Challenge them and work through them. This is the hardest part, and it takes more than noticing. Fears, beliefs and stories like these are deeply rooted, so real change has to happen on the inside. Knowing what you should do isn't enough. That's why new habits and good advice often don't last: the belief underneath them never changed.
- Keep small promises to yourself. Each time you do what you said you would, you prove to yourself that you can rely on yourself.
- Act before you feel ready. Small steps give you the proof that waiting for confidence never will.
- Be kind to yourself when things don't go perfectly, so you're willing to try again.
Your path to self-trust is as unique as you are.
Your story and experiences are different from anyone else's, so the fears, beliefs and stories that hold you back are different too. That's why support is most helpful when it's tailored to your own story, your life and what you want.
Ready to start rebuilding your self-trust?
You don't have to do this alone. Rebuilding self-trust is easier with support. To celebrate getting this far, here's an offer for you.
Limited offer
2 Complimentary Self-Trust Sessions
We'll review your Self-Trust Wheel results and explore a career challenge you're facing. Together, we'll focus on one area where you want to strengthen your self-trust, what's getting in your way, and a practical step you can take forward.
You'll receive two 60-minute one-on-one sessions to help you work through your challenge and explore a way forward.
Available to the first 10 participants. Book your first session by November 30, 2026, or while spots remain, whichever comes first.
Questions? Email me at ownthechair@outlook.com
Lala Sorenson, Certified Executive & Transition Coach
I spent more than 16 years as an engineer, and I know what it's like to have the qualifications and still not trust your own decisions. It took me nearly two years to decide to leave engineering, and much of that time was spent learning to trust myself. Today I help women stop saying no to themselves and start trusting themselves, so they can make their own decisions and be themselves at work, at home and in their relationships.
To save a PDF, choose "Save as PDF" as the printer.
Book your first complimentary session
Calendar not showing? Open it in a new tab. Available to the first 10 participants, through November 30, 2026.